Everything

I could still vividly picture in my mind right now how you looked in that pink Nike cardigan as you lined up at the departure gate.  You looked so good, like you always do. 

I could still clearly hear your voice in my mind right now, when you called me up from your first stop-over city.  It was a totally unexpected call that in less than a second, I literally jumped off from the bed then stood by the window where I believe the signal would be better.

I breezed through the messages on my phone, and read the exchange of almost anything we wanted to share to each other, from the mundane to the most substantial.  I don't think anything we shared was ever mundane at all.  I think about what we both have been through together all these years and I see that we have come quite so far.  The more I think about it, the luckier and more blessed I feel to have found someone like you - someone I love so much and someone who loves me back as me.  I love you indescribably, and in spite of who I am, I will always strive to be the best me that I can be for you.

It hasn't even been half a day yet since I last saw you and here I am crying a bucket of tears.  I miss you so much.  

I tried to sublimate but as I opened the unlocked door, everything seems to be screaming your name.  Everything. 

I decided to pick up my laundry from the nearby laundry shop.  To my surprise, the heavens have sympathized with me and it let out a constant shower - not too strong enough but not so mellow either - it was almost a slow yet moving cry, the intensity could swallow me whole anytime.


I then sorted out my newly washed clothes.  I remember you would sweetly volunteer to do that for me.  I tried to fight back the tears. 

I turn on the television and the show that's on is one which I am not used to watching without you. 


(A very deep breath inserted here.)

I gave the dog a bath.  Bathing him is not a duel anymore yet  I realized it's been a while since I last gave him one because you would gladly bathe him for me while I drop dead tired on the bed fresh from a gruelling hospital duty.

He is looking at me now, surprised and puzzled at the same time, why I am giving out funny noises as I cover my face with the shirt I wore last night when I slept beside you.

I am pretty sure I will cry myself to sleep tonight and I have to make sure I make up some good reason for the people who will be bold enough to ask me why I got swollen eyes.

I miss you so much.  I couldn't wait to hear from you, in fact,  I am dying to hear from you.  I know this is all part of your dream, in fact, our dream.  I never thought though it could be this  tormenting - excruciating even, that as much as possible, I wouldn't want this to happen again to us.  


I will be here waiting and, for you, I have made preparations.  I have changed my phone's message alert tone to the high-pitched kind.  It now lies silent on the side of the bed, though.  I wouldn't want to miss your first message from overseas.  I couldn't afford to let a minute pass before I could reply to your message.  Tomorrow, I'd make us both a Skype account, as promised. 


I believe right now, you are up in the sky.  Be safe, my love.  On the other hand, I am happy for you, that at last you got your chance to fly.  I also want you to discover new places and new cultures.  I want you to grow. 


As for now, and as for me, I will be here waiting for you.  I will be here waiting, and of course, more than ever, loving you, even from seas and mountains away.